Sunday, February 26, 2017

My promise to Spring



Maybe it is due to the pending solar eclipse, but I have been trying to take a look at some of the shadowy trails in myself - those wisps or lightning stikes that tend to block out the sun of my own light, my true self.

I wrote, in what seems like really another lifetime ago, that fear was running the show and that it was something that I wanted to work on. Save that it most certainly is the same lifetime, because I am still dealing with that exact issue. Granted, life has provided me (and us all) with some fresh material.

But amazingly, importantly, I might be getting to the heart of it (and I chose that word carefully): fear is expressed or conceived in direct relation to my lack of trust - in myself and, sadly, in the universe (or The Powers that Be if you prefer). If I am looking in the mirror and that is the reflection that I see? Well, it is tempting to look away, I can tell you that much. But how can I trust myself if I can't accept myself first? I get that. So I am digging down in my bones to summon the bravery and courage to lean in, even though I still am looking so dearly for something to hold onto, a structure that seems solid enough to carry my weight. It has to come from within.

I remember being on the plane on my way to the States very nearly one year ago. For some reason, I had a really clear idea that I should get the word "trust" tattooed in the whiteness of my inside wrist. The same blue-grey as my eyes in a sloping but formal cursive. So now, after so much, I have circled back to that very word and it is written, actually, only on the inside, and it is asking for attention. Shine a light, shine an eclipse.

Can I "imagine that life is always right," as Rilke asks? I have a blissfully good imagination, it is my main source of company at times. That too is in the footfalls of a leap towards trust. Off a cliff of the known into other, certainly, but there is great beauty in it.

And if there is anything where I can unhesitatingly invest my trust, it is in beauty. In Natural Beauty, specifically, that of the universe's gold dust. So I do.

It is where I will start, or start again (for the hundredth time), while coaxing that voice within me to believe that it is reliable and that I am too. I can grieve whatever experiences of abandonment happened either in childhood or, say, last month, and then move on. It will get there and I am listening. In the meantime, I can make a promise to Spring.

"Dear Spring, I give you my firm intention, to be open and present, to do my best 'à me liberer' from outdated beliefs. I will let your beauty guide me to renewal, with trust that all that I am experiencing is or will be for my best. I am so grateful to still be here and turned towards facing. Together, I hope that we can breathe anew. Thank you."

Trust could become the True North on my inner compass. Growth can spring from even blackened branches.

The words Self-Care and Potential are popping up quite a bit for me right now. Like popcorn. The latter makes me squirm uncomfortably and always has. It sounds like a threat but what if it isn't and is more of a promise instead? It feels possible, certainly when linked to another "P" word that has been swirling like a hawk: Purpose.


What do these words mean to you? And what promises are you hoping to make to Spring? No need to share (but by all means do if so inclined or email them along). It just might be interesting to ask, with the utmost of kindness, or maybe I am just hoping you will be by my side while I do. I know that I can trust in that too.


PS. I have a feeling that this is one of those posts that will come off as sad when it was meant to be anything but. There is so much positive that is buzzing in me, like the bees around the almond tree blossoms, announcing a new season.

PPS.  Thank you for stunning me yet again with your overwhelmingly kind responses to my previous post. You give me the courage to publish posts where I feel vulnerable to do so, such as this one!
 

14 comments:

francetaste said...

It is a conundrum that we come into the world alone and leave it alone and often are alone in our most difficult moments, but that the people who are happiest in life are those who live for others. I think we can't count on others to give to us, but we can count on what we ourselves can give. Giving to others is the best way to enrich our lives (psychologically). This deliberation about trust in yourself and trust in others...sometimes it's best not to overthink it. Just do. Just be. You are someone with a keen sense of right and wrong, and that is what you can trust. I am glad you are feeling positive. Your photos show it. Life full of promise. And funnily, I took nearly identical photos on Friday. How not to see the true blue sky juxtaposed with delicate pink blossoms? The world is full of beauty and promise.

eleni said...

A beautiful post, Heather. I too am entering a new phase - ageing....... can't believe I am racing towards 80... so much still to do, so little time. Grab life with both hands, my dear. A new Spring is coming soon. All my good wishes to you

RebeccaNYC said...

Thank you for such hopeful words and photos! In November I was with a friend, reeling with fear for our country. I told him that we were just going to have to breathe through this. He handed me his wrist, pushed up his sleeve and showed me the tattoo on his inner wrist..."breathe". Trust and breathe...sometimes that is all that is needed.

robin said...

Nope - not sad - hopeful post! With lovely pics - LOVE the first one especially! I mentioned self-care in the talk I gave Weds night - said you not only benefit from the many aspects (good sleep, food, emotional care, etc), but puts the attention on you and meeting your own needs as opposed to looking to others to meet them. I think it's BIG! Potential - hmm. I think Rimpoche's talk touched on that today - karma. Every moment is ripe with potential, both good and bad; he said what we do today influences what our future will be! (there is potential for good and bad, depending on our thoughts and actions). I think you meant "meeting our potential", but it's similar, yes? (although I might ask - "potential" according to whose definition/standards?). Purpose is one I don't think about much, but I think when I'm aligned with mine I get "green lights" from the universe! Will have to think about my promises to spring - after living through a break up and a career scare, I'm not feeling very ambitious - maybe just to recharge? To coast for awhile, though I love yours - can I borrow yours? And, yes, I will always be by your side.

Unknown said...

Thank you Heather. There is something always so promising about spring. I feel that we are hard wired to feel the potential of the season....a new beginning.

Ali

Kauai to Paris said...

Happy Springtime, Heather .. time of renewal and growth .. time of perfect temperatures, beautiful aromas, and new life .. wonderful new life. Mahalo et Merci for sharing your soul .. your courage is showing. B

Judi of Little House said...

Gorgeous photos of Spring, and beautiful, thoughtful words of rebirth. Your beautiful prose always makes me ponder just how close we are in so many ways. I just can't express myself like you can - you are amazing! Spring is coming, and rebirth is so very possible!

Julie Bresette said...

Riding in the car the other day I noticed how dead and lifeless the roadside trees seemed. I was sending out my senses searching for a sign of life and I felt nothing. However, I know that they will wake up and breathe life again. Nature urges us to have faith and trust. You are wise to search for trust in nature. She always delivers.

Laura said...

This morning we have snow, again. It is beautiful, but the longing for signs of Spring is ever present. Sometimes we feel a sense of stagnation while waiting for the transition. The new season brings growth and light, and you seem to be on track Heather, to follow both. We are all right here by your side and moving forward!

bonnie poppe said...

seems very hopeful, and the photos are perfect and beautiful. New life.

Patricia said...

I feel the hope in your words, Heather. May your Spring be filled with it.
Possibilitarian is my guiding word.
Thanks for another post filled with beauty.
P

Loree said...

Almond blossoms are so beautiful. Sadly they didn't flower for very long here this year. Your photos are beautiful. I think you have captured Spring, and your mood, perfectly.

edgarone2 said...

Trust yourself, your true self.

Clare M said...

Trust. Yes! This is a big one for me too. I've been doing so much inner work the past year and a half and as I look back I can see how far I've come but I'm at a point where I feel a little lost, a little in limbo, drifting. I'm "trusting" in the universe, in divine timing, in the work that I'm continuing to do, and trusting that I'm in the right place at the right time. Trusting in the little synchronicities I notice each day and that working on being present as much as possible will ensure everything is well. I'm on the right path.

Beautiful photos Heather. Beautiful post.

Clare xx