Monday, March 25, 2013

Lost in the looking



I haven't felt like talking much and so it goes that I haven't felt much like writing either. Opening up the drawers of my desk, I look to see if there are any extra words laying around, in the bottom, in the corners and find only perfume vials and paper clips. It is not sadness, nor its opposite, just quiet. I close the drawers and let my gaze rise out the window like a balloon escaping a tiny fist. The clouds are lazy. 

They drag behind the beat of the guitar strum of the homeless man who is sitting on the sidewalk just to the right of our front door. I say homeless but I don't know if that is true, SDF in French or Sans Domicile Fixe. He was there yesterday evening as well, drinking a beer and asking about the dogs. He used the polite "vous" form and wished me a pleasant evening. In turn I offered that he would have Bon Courage with the rain. Which is gone today. So perhaps that is why he is playing.

Remi walks past my desk and the orchids near my screen shake their hearts with each step. How thin these old floors are, how differently built. We must have sounded like elephants to the family that lived below. But now they've gone and we have the building to ourselves. Which feels both luxurious and isolating, the space that contains us. Luckily, we have the country so close at hand, the land where we can keep walking and often in silence. I don't have to find the words to express the precision of such beauty. Cowboy rope mountains, twilight petals. I can get lost in the looking. We all have our internal answers, those without syllables that we just know. What comfort that brings. It sings.









Have a wonderful wag of a week, everyone...



32 comments:

Jackie and Joel Smith said...

You've managed to beautifully sum up the way I have been feeling and thinking in the last few days. . .and of course, your photos are simply magical! Happy New Week! Jackie .xo

Gert Jan Hermus said...

What a beautiful post. Very nice pictures!

Greetings from the Netherlands,
DzjieDzjee

Suze said...

Images stand in beautifully to continue to connect us when words are taking a breather. Well done, H.

D. A. Wolf said...

Such beautiful words. They capture a sort of silence many of us feel from time to time. Something we cannot put our finger on, but the quiet, the not speaking - it can be grounding as well as healing.

mademoisella coquine. said...

I too have been feeling quiet lately, not terribly inclined to write. Perhaps we're anxious for spring to start, or we're storing up our energy for all of the social engagements that come along with warm weather. Sometimes quiet is good.

Okay, I have to be honest here, mine might just be coming from being sucked into a teen drama that I didn't get to see the final season of. : )

Have a wonderful week as well!

Lost in Provence said...

Thank you so much, Jackie. We are just a bit in the in-between, non?
xo!

Lost in Provence said...

Merci, Gert.

Lost in Provence said...

Thanks for this beautiful Suze and for all that you have been writing lately...

Lost in Provence said...

I agree, dear D. Not necessarily something to shy from. Merci comme toujours pour ton soutien fabuleuse...
xoxoxoxo

Lost in Provence said...

Heeheehee. Oh for something delightful to change our minds from time to time! Especially after a long winter...And glad to hear that I am not alone and think you are absolutely right! We are en attenante for the good things ahead... :)

Acquired Objects said...

I wonder if it's being a drift between seasons that makes us quiet because I've been the same way for the last fews weeks. I think I'm just waiting. I could get lost in the views if mine looked anything but white yours are way more interesting right now. Ben looks as handsome as ever, give him a hug from me!

XXX
Debra~

Loree said...

Just beautiful Heather. Any other comment would be superfluous.

cheri said...

Well said, I've been trying to pinpoint my need for quiet right now. Could be my plate is full with our new home decisions....It was so much easier living in a condo but I secretly hated it, so I got what I wanted, a big house, now the work begins. I'm needing time to contemplate these decisions, perhaps a drive to the coast if only I could convince my other half to go. I love your words...

robin said...

Ooooh, love this quiet post! Yes, Pema Chodron definitely says to just feel your feelings, not to push them away or judge them - it can be tricky to do. But you've done it here beautifully, along with the peaceful photos. Have a wonderful day, Sister!

Lost in Provence said...

I think so Debra and I even think that you and I had this exact same conversation last year at this time too!!!
PS. Hug delivered. :)
xoxox

Lost in Provence said...

Oh thank you so, so much Loree. I really appreciate that coming from you.
Bisous!

Lost in Provence said...

Merci, Cheri. But what a wonderful adventure you have before you! I love moving into a new home and making it into a cosy nest. :) I know that you will enjoy it once you get further into it--certainly that first push is a hard one! So many decisions! And as a former Cali girl, aaaaah, there is nothing that a trip to the ocean can't clear up...

Lost in Provence said...

Thank you so much Sister for giving me the Pema perspective!!! I love you so much! :)

sharon santoni at my french country home said...

..."Opening up the drawers of my desk, I look to see if there are any extra words laying around"..... What a beautiful phrase Heather, I just love the way you write. Coming to visit you here in Arles is always very calm and peaceful, thank you!
Sharon
xx

Ann Knickerbocker said...

Whew! I felt this way often in the French countryside... for me, it was rather... something to move through, walking... I am glad you revel in it... you obviously belong in this spare, contemplative space, in the muted tones of the photos (so beautiful!).

Ann Mah said...

Lovely post, Heather! How right you are to indulge your contemplative side from time to time. I hope you come out of it refreshed. xo

teamgloria said...

the expression on that Pup!

just glorious.

and so is writing or not writing and looking out of windows or admiring orchids.

love. it. all.

*wavingfromlosangeles* (listening to the new Depeche Mode album by candelight to give you a visual - watching the VAST monster moooooooon.

cheri said...

You're absolutely right about the ocean, it nourishes my soul and calms my being, plus the fresh sea food is a tonic. We actually went to the small village of Cayucos last week and I found a few treasures from the sea, 3 intact sand dollars and 2 pieces of beach glass to add to my collection. By the way, I'm on my way to Paris in May with my childhood friend. I'm so excited thinking of all the adventures we will have. Also, how is it that you know the exact words to say? What a gift you have Heather. Blessings to you and your brood.

Lost in Provence said...

You're welcome, Sharon and thank you for the compliment. The land here is so different than yours and yet both makes us dream...the grass is always greener!

Lost in Provence said...

Thank you so much, Ann. The terrain really asks that you slow down, literally! As it is to rocky to go quickly, so why not look around? :)

Lost in Provence said...

Oh, I am pretty contemplative ALL of the time, Ann! :) Heehee...

Lost in Provence said...

Ben is doing his slow tail wag (his specialty) the one that says "aren't I funny?" and he is.

Oh, it sounds like you had a wonderful evening! I hope that you have photos. I missed the moon entirely but that would explain my mood now wouldn't it?

Still need to listen to the new DM--merci for the reminder...
*waving back under a blue, blue sky*

Lost in Provence said...

Oooh, Cayucos looks gorgeous! Not far from Cambria if I understand correctly. My folks used to love to drive up that way from San Diego. And intact sand dollars?! Now that is a true treasure. :)
Thank you for the blessings. Sending them right back to you...

Laoch of Chicago said...

Very graceful and wistful post ending with a lovely canine.

Slim Paley said...

beautiful

breadispain said...

I love the first photo of the house in the distance - almost looks like Italy. Sigh - I need a trip to Provence soon, your pictures keep convincing me of that!

Aussie in France said...

How beautifully poetic and lovely photos!